Fat Talk

We all do it, whether we want to or not.

I needed to gain weight a few weeks ago, which I have and I feel great and health although as you can imagine it's been a little hard to adjust.

The other night I was lying in bed after having one too many spoonfuls of cashew butter straight out of the jar thinking, why would you do that? I hate myself, I hate my body. Then I stopped... I HATE MY BODY?! After it ran 11 miles for me on Saturday? Well that is just wrong.

Ever since I've put needed weight back on, my ED side has been fat talking in full force. For real ED? After everything else you've put me through now this? So very rude.

We're told to "fight" fat talk, put it down, don't let it creep into your life, don't let others do it around you. But how? How do you knock down that deeply embedded voice in your head telling you you're not good enough?

Athlete's cannot hate their body. Our bodies do too much for us.

What I needed to do was replace the behavior. Now every time I was to say I hate my body I say, for some shallow reason that the world has instilled in me I don't feel like I look good. But I am a strong runner and not everyone can say that!

This morning I had planned on a random bike workout but I ended up doing 15 minutes of random and 45 minutes of intervals with a 5 minute cool down.

I'm out of peta =(. So before I had some whole wheat toast with laughing cow and fruit spread

Breakfast was a yogurt bowl with banana, blueberries, raw oats, kashi honey sunshine, cashew and almond butter and honey drizzle.

Peace!

Caitlin

How do you fight fat talk?

Do you read beauty magazines or do you avoid them?

Fear and BPS

Have you seen Matt's post today? It's a great article, check it out!

In addition to my cold, this afternoon I got hit HARD with a case of BPS

Bottomless Pit Syndrome

I think a combo of biking and hustling around campus causing my normal raging appetite plus my body fighting this stupid cold made me feel that enough food didn't exist in the world...

For lunch I packed a hummus,avocado, nooch sandwich with spinach, dijon and tomato. Plus some grapes and dill pickle cashews

Snacks included

this amazing combo of pumpkin, the rest of the PB2, stevia, pumpkin pie spice and a scoop of cottage cheese... holy yumtastic!

Followed by 2 mini lara bars, a handful of trail mix, a slice of sesame bread with cashew butter, a handful of dates and a few spoons of nut butter.... slight satisfaction.

Eventually I just decided to have dinner<-- yes DINNER not breakfast for dinner!

One of my absolute favorite foods growing up was mac and cheese. In times of restriction this became a major fear food for me. Probably because when I was younger I would kill the whole box as an after school "snack"... yea.

A lot of mac and cheese does not have the greatest nutritional stats but a while ago I grabbed a box of Annie's natural organic, the ingredient list is really legit so I felt good about it!

I jazzed it up inspired by Gabriela with spinach, broccoli and mushrooms. I also added a scoop of yogurt recommended per the box and it was super creamy!

Plus a great amount of black pepper and hot sauce, how I've always done it and clearly always will! It was perfect, comforting and absolutely delicious. I am already excited to have leftovers for lunch! Mac and Cheese, I will never abandon you again.

Plus another piece of toast with sunflower butter and fruit spread.

*Also, I really want to do a Q&A vlog but I don't have any Q's! Please feel free to ask anything about running, weights or myself and I'll answer what I can!*

Peace!

Caitlin

Do you or have you ever had fear foods?

How to you jazz up pre-made meals?

Project New Nutrition Update 2

Project New Nutrition

Update Number 1

Physically things have been going wonderfully! I have been curling 15 LBS on a regular basis and my 15LBS rows and dead-lifts are beginning to feel easier so I should be moving up soon! I am also running faster and feel like I am recovering between workouts so much better (shocker).

I have seen massive improvement especially in my hair, for the first time in almost a year it's not coming out in chunks every time I wash it! My skin is still very dry although I put lotion on daily. I think I am in need of more omega-3's.

Mentally has been good and bad. I have been struggling more with fat talk because I have put on weight (which I needed to!) but of course ED is not happy about it. Of course this is a common problem among young girls and I just keep reading healthy tipping point and trying to overcome it!

The other thing I have been struggling with is fear of restriction. If I accidently let myself get overly hungry I end up somewhat compulsively overeating. I think this is because my body is so afraid that I am restricting again.

I am trying to make it a point to focus on intuitive eating which is scary for me because it makes me realize how much I need and it tends to feel like "too much" although it is not.

My new smaller goals are to incorporate more protein in general and find ways to convince my body and myself that I will not restrict .

I did an interval bike workout this morning (covered 15 miles and 62 minutes in total)

Then held plank

PLANK TIME!!! =D

For breakfast I had two whole grain waffles, one with cashew butter and honey and one with cream cheese and fruit spread. Plus a bundle of grapes

I used this cashew butter from my massive new stock. I love it, this kind really tastes like cashews!

Off to study, bio exam this week!

Peace!

Caitlin

How is life for you in general?

Reaching Out

Past Tips

Separation is Key

Recovery Tip 2: Reach out to others

You may have noticed that I have recently been mentioning friends more, posting later and actually going out on the weekend. For the first time in many months I have somewhat of a social life.

A major part of eating disorders is self isolation. Your ED convinces you this is for many reasons. You're better than everyone else, you only need your ED, you really want to be alone..blah blah blah.

The main reasons I have been reaching out to people is because I was sick of being alone. That fact in itself shows progress towards recovery. In addition the people I have been reaching to are those who I feel I can tell about what I am going through because you cannot fully recover without support. It is a great distraction from your ED voice and can make you remember what is really important.

I used to love to go out on the weekend. I loved being with people most of the time. My ED had convinced me that I no longer liked people but of course... it was a lie. I have been having a great time reconnecting with people and making new friends.

For lunch put together some fun fajita type things (scientific term). I got corn tortillas at the store today so i topped each with laughing cow, a bunch of chili-lime white bean dip, veggies and salsa. I had grapes on the side which were so appealing for whatever reason.

DELICIOUS

Per usual for me my appetite has not been on point all day. I got a little hungry for a snack so I mixed up PB2 and jelly sauce with some pretzels

Hi, I'm Caitlin and I'm boring addicted to omelets. Veggie om-nom with mango, toast with smart balance, fruit spread and PB... come on you know me.

I feel my appetite slightly returning, I'll probably get in a dense snack soon... I'm going out again tonight =)

Peace!

Caitlin

Tell me about your best friend!

Full Day

Did you see my post this morning? I hope it provided some kind of insight for some of you out there! I didn't post breakfast this morning because I normally eat while I post but today I had a breakfast "date"! That's in quotes because really I was meeting with my bio group to finish a paper we have due tomorrow.

I did have a pita with PB2 and fruit spread before hitting an interval bike workout. 10 min. warmup, 50 min. intervals, 10 min cool down.

I thought about packing some yogurt and cereal in an almost empty PB jar but instead I challenged myself with something I really wanted! We met at my schools coffee shop so I got

Whole wheat bagel topped with butter and cinnamon and a small iced skim latte for protein

Yes that is a checker board on the table

Yes I go to a tiny liberal arts hippie school... I love it =)

Surprisingly the bagel kept me way fuller than even nut butter does! Maybe it has something to do with all of the crack butter toffee almonds that made there way into my mouth last night.

For lunch I packed a small spinach salad with strawberries, cucumbers, a big scoop of cottage cheese and wheat germ.

The star of the show though was these cinnamon roasted chickpeas with almond butter! Last night I roasted 1/2 a can of chickpeas in cinnamon and topped them with about a tablespoon of almond butter when they were still hot. I put them in the fridge overnight and had an amazing lunch treat!

Snack was the rest of my hummus =( mixed with a little nooch and baby carrots.

Dinner was an omelette. I can't believe I made it until Thursday without an omelette! It was actually just two eggs and some garlic, for whatever reason i haven't been feeling cheese lately.

With roasted broccoli and sesame toast with almond and peanut butter (you know I can't choose) and honey.

For dessert I had a fun bowl of PB2, quaker squares some banana and dark chocolate.

I also had two more spoons of nut butter and a little more cereal.

Quote of the day taken from a facebook status of one of PerMa's friends:

"Keep walking towards it"

Peace!

Caitlin

What are you currently walk towards? The status of recovered =)

What's your favorite non-dessert dessert food? Cereal or nut butter! Or both!

Tips on how to Stop Counting Calories

Many of us have been through this. It's exhausting, time consuming and limiting. If you are extremely strict about it, truly calorie counting can take much of the fun out of your life. Calories counting is a much larger problem than just numbers, it causes

Restriction

Isolation from others

Ignoring the nutrients of food in favor of the number

Mental exhaustion

Rejection of "unplanned" food

As part of Project New Nutrition I have made it a point that I will absolutely not count calories anymore. I wanted to share some strategies I have been using to overcome this problem.

1) Do not let yourself use "tools"

By "tools" I mean pen and paper or a calculator. The calculator on my phone used to be my best friend, I'm sure people thought I texted like a fiend. I would also entertain myself in class by thinking of recipes and calculating the calories in the back of my notebook. Now, if I have the urge the first thing I do is put down my pen or I do not let myself pick up my phone. That way if I really insist on figuring something out I will have to do it in my head which I quickly give up on.

2) Do not look at the nutrition label or try to eat un-marked food

Now, whenever I buy food I make it a point to not check the nutrition label. If it is something I have never bout before I may check it for the nutritional value but I try to forget the caloric count as quickly as possible. I believe it is alright to have a "calorie awareness" e.g. you can get away with eating a ton more carrots than french fries but sole focus on the number is never good.

3) Focus on what the nutrients of the food will do for your body

Instead of thinking "how many calories does this add to my meals?" Think, "will adding this make me feel good and nourish my body?" This is a hard transition to make but once you get there ( I am one meal at at time) you will feel so much better physically because you will choose energizing food.

4) Listen to your body

The basic, cardinal rule. Intuitive eating. Eat when you're hungry, stop when you're not. There are of course a few exceptions, not everyone feels hungry after a hard workout but it is important to eat soon after. Most of the time however, this is the rule to live by. It allows you to eat whatever you would like because energy dense foods will keep you fuller for longer, therefore you may not eat as frequently.

Please note, these strategies have worked very well for me but may not work for everyone. It is a hard transition to make but I have found using these tips have helped me to relatively quickly overcome calorie counting. If you try them and find you are still struggling, please seek professional help.

Peace and Beauty

Caitlin

Core Strength

Some of you commented on the time that I held plank for yesterday morning. First off, thanks... you guys make me blush =). Second because I love strength training as much as I love running I thought we could talk this morning about core strength.

What is your "core"?

Surprisingly, not just that six pack that your after! It includes 12 muscles in your abdomen.

Plus your mid and lower back. Some people include glutes and upper quad muscles as well.

Importance of a strong core

Having strong core muscles can help in your daily life. They will improve posture and balance which can help with anything from running to tying your shoes. Having strong back muscles will also help to reduce and prevent low back pain which many people suffer from.

How to Work it

There are A TON of great core exercises you can do, pilates and yoga being at the top of my list. 45 minutes to and hour of either=45 minutes to an hour of core work.

Another great thing for core is to use props.

Resistance bands are an awesome added challenge.

My favorite way:

Lie on your back with your legs straight out. Wrap the band around the bottom of both feet and hold one end in each hand, make sure it's pulled tight! Raise your legs slowly engaging your lower abs, when you can no longer feel your abs engaged lower slowly leaving an inch between your heels and the ground.

Find more great resistance band workouts here!

Medicine balls are diverse and add a weight element to your work.

My favorite way:

Start with your feet a little more than shoulder width apart. Come to a squat position with your back against a wall. Hold the medicine ball with both hands in front of your chest. Twist at a good tempo from side to side touching the wall with the med ball on each side.

Find more great med ball workouts here!

This is my secret. The bosu dome. I LOVE this thing. You can use it for core work specifically but incorporating it in any way to your workout will strengthen you core because it will require you to balance. I use it for core, squats, push ups, even cardio. Jogging up and down on it or using this instead of the floor for mountain climbers is killer!

For instance, this morning I did on the dome

Crunches x 20

Single leg Stretch x 15 each side

Full sit up x 15

Twisting crunches x20 each side

Crunches x20

Flip dome over

Push ups x15

Slow mountain climber x12

Push ups x12

slow mountain climber x 8

push ups x 8

Hold high plank with hands on dome until fail

This is just one example, I change it up all of the time depending on how I feel!

Also this morning I had a protein bar, ran 4 miles in 38 minutes, walked for 5 minutes and did some weights for about 20 minutes (and then the core work)

Easy delicious breakfast

Whole grain toasted waffles, one cream cheese and fruit spread on PB and fruit spread and very ripe mango slices (of course I eat the skin!)

And as part of Project New Nutrition, PerMa sent me this!

I started it last night... it is amazing. If you are struggling with and ED at all you must pick up this book, I'll be reviewing it and sharing tips as I go!

Peace!

Caitlin

Tell me about your core workouts!

Project New Nutrition: Week 1 Update

So this was my first official week of Project New Nutrition. Here are the major updates.

Success

1) My clothes have started to fit a little more snugly! They are not too small because most have them had gotten too big so now I guess I should say my clothes are fitting!

2) I have done a fairly good job not calorie counting or measuring. I have only measured for recipes and oats. I have tried a couple of times to count calories in my head but I have beaten those thoughts down.

3) I have been having many fear foods more frequently

4) I have more energy Goal Success: I curled 15 LBS on Friday morning!

5) I went out on Friday night for the first time all school year

Now that my clothes are fitting again and I am feeling so much better I am not making it so much of a point to get as many calories as possible in the day. I am not opposed to gaining a little more weight but it is no longer a primary goal.

Needs Work/ What's Next

1) Honestly, I am still working on following my hunger cues. For the weeks when I was trying to gain I simply ate all of the time. I am now transitioning to not counting calories and trying to maintain my weight... something I have never done.

2) I am trying to figure out what works best for me in terms of big meals vs. a lot of snacks. I'm thinking it really is going to depend on the day, which classes I can have snack in etc.

3) I am having a problem incorporate desserts into not gaining and not counting. I do not want to restrict myself but I feel that if I am not counting I'm not sure if I have "room" for dessert. Something I really need to overcome. *I'm just going to try and remind myself "moderation"*

4) I keep going back and forth with fat talk and positive self image talk. Sometimes I look in the mirror and really think I do look better and sometimes I think that all of my "hard work" was undone so easily.

I did a lot of home work and blog reading today... hey there rainy Sunday.

For lunch I had an awesome wrap of avocado, hummus, spinach and artichoke hearts. Along with an apple, cottage cheese and cinnamon.

I decided that I was for sure going to yoga at 4. Around 3 I thought I could get some reading done during a really easy bike workout. Since it was going to be an easy though long workout I had a hearty snack to get me through. Sesame toast with a bunch of almond butter and a little jelly.

By the way, I brought this back from spring break... I don't want to turn my back on Barney Butter but this stuff is GOOD.

My hearty snack totally did the job! I was only a little hungry when I got out of yoga and my friend was selling green tea smoothies for a fundraiser for Japan so I stopped and got a mango one. It was just green tea and frozen fruit but really good!

For dinner I made a really quick mango-veggie stir fry in a tahini sauce. And had it with a side of brown rice. I'll post the recipe tomorrow!

I'll probably have something with nut butter a little later =)

Peace!

Caitlin

What do you do on rainy days?

Opinions on rest days vs. "recovery workouts"?

Reclaiming Spirit

"Laugh when you can, It is cheap medicine" -Lord Byron

I have that quote next to my mirror at home. For the majority of my life I was known among family and friends and the laugher. I laughed loud, often, until I cried. People knew my laugh, people said they loved my laugh. I loved my laugh, I loved to laugh.

Disordered eating takes a tole on your body, mind, relationships and spirit. I have been doing very well in the body and mind field.. i have recently started taking steps in the relationship and spirit as well.

Today I worked on a project with two people in my biology class who I am quickly making friends with, something that has not happened in some time. As we worked Murphy's Law kicked in hard. We had no idea how to use the program, the printer was out of paper, or professor could not tell our good graph from our bad graph example... it was hilarious. We all cracked up together the entire time.

I have not laughed the much or that hard in the past eight months combined. I am getting my spirit back. I got my laugh back, I want to tell my bad habits "You will not take my laugh ever again"

Some eats today

Leftover roasted sweet potatoes with cottage cheese, raisins and cinnamon

I ordered more PB2 and it came with a sample of these vanilla muffins . I'm not a fan of low carb products just because I need and love carbs so I hate to say that these were actually TOTALLY delicious. Especially topped with PB2!

Dinner was a simple veggie and cheese omelette, sprouted grain english muffin with smart balance light, blackberry fruit spread and sunflower butter and mango slices.

On a side not I got an e-mail from PerMa today with the subject "shopping like a blogger"

Blogger type purchases for sure =).

Peace!

Caitlin

What made you laugh today?

Fun weekend plans?

Sugar Pie Honey Bunch

One thing that I have not been doing so great with on Project New Nutrition is balancing healthy food with wants. I have been eating too much crap, especially right after dinner. I have a few concerns with this. Although I don't like that way it makes me feel to eat a ton of sugar in one sitting I am afraid of going back to a restrictive mindset. What I am going to try I right after dinner having some kind of "real" dessert, whatever I want. And then later on before bed having a healthier snack. I think this will satisfy my body and mind.

As I make more progress on moving away from focusing on calories I'm becoming MUCH more interested in how different foods make me feel so I'm going to really try to focus on a variety of calories (my food choices have become extremely redundant). I think I am to the point where I can say to myself "Even though nut butter sounds good, you've had a lot today, does something else sound good?" and not think of it as restrictive.

  Goal starting today to incorporate more calories in healthy food and have smaller treats for treats instead of extra calorie sources. bigger meals and snacks. High calories foods and no eating when not hungry ( I will get hungry!)

I came to these conclusions last night and woke up very excited to get started!

I had an awesome workout, I was feeling really strong today so I did just 20 minutes of very light cardio and 45 minutes of heavy lifting... it was awesome.

And because I've been eating so much nut butter lately... overnight oats in a jar!

Last night :Oats, vanilla protein, greek yogurt, milk, vanilla extract

This morning: Mango, strawberries and spelt flakes

And of course the leftover Barney butter!

Have a great Friday everyone!

Peace!

Caitlin

Did you workout today? Was it awesome?

What's your dessert strategy if you have a big sweet tooth?

Documentation

Top o' the mornin' to ya! I love St. Patricks Day!! Not for the reason most people do (I'm not a big drinker) but because have always been very proud of my supremely Irish heritage so this day reminds me of my family. It also has always marked the true coming of Spring in my mind , maybe all the green??

I actually had s somewhat different pre-gym snack!Peta with laughing cow and jelly... woah go crazy!

I had in INTENSE bike interval workout, I was just killin it today! I did a 10 minute warm up, 50 minutes of intervals and a 5 minute cool down and then....

HELD PLANK FOR 4:06 BOOM BABY!!!

The intensity continued in this yogurt bowl.

Greek, granny smith (for the green), craisins organic spelt flakes, kashi honey sunchine, cinammon raisin granola, ground flax, a few slated cashews and a big scoop of PB.

Topped with cinnamon and honey... I love amazing yogurt bowls!

I also had a few handfuls of cereal as a I made this along with a little more peanut butter. For Project New Nutrition I have been really on track however I have not seen that much change in physical appearance. I am surprised by this so I am going to start trying to mention or photograph more of what I've been eating (yes it is more than I have been talking about currently) to show how difficult it is to repair a metabolism and gain weight while remaining active.

Erin Go Braugh!

Caitlin

What's your heritage? Is it important to you?

WOO!

Morning, morning, morning! My morning so far has been

Pita with PB2

Bike workout (10 minute warm up, 40 minute intervals)

30 kettlebell swings and 25 burpies

hold plank for 2.5 minutes

WOO good workout!

Mar 15

10 am

34° F

Precip:

10%

11 am

39° F

Precip:

10%

12 pm

44° F

Precip:

10%

1 pm

48° F

Precip:

10%

2 pm

51° F

Precip:

10%

3 pm

51° F

Precip:

10%

4 pm

49° F

Precip:

10%

5 pm

48° F

Precip:

10%

Forcast for today, WOO!

Overnight oats, WOO!

Along with my toy , I got something else in the mail yesterday.

Two sample packets from a give-away! Thanks Kaitlin!

I used one packets, scoops of greek and a splash of milk last night.

This morning I mixed in some coconut extract, cherry chocolate granola, a banana, a drizzle of honey and cinnamon. Amazing mixture! WOO!

**Project New Nutrition Update**

So after 5 days of a ton of cookies and candy with some health mixed in, I feel like my sweet tooth is satisfied. I woke up craving nutrients! I am very happy about this! I'm not saying I will cut sweets by any means but hopefully I'll be able to start transitioning to getting extra calories from whole foods through larger portions and more snacks.

Off to get the day started!

Peace!

Caitlin

What's making you go WOO today?

P.S as I was writing I added more granola and a little scoop of peanut butter to y oats because they were delicious but not doing the job!