Alright friends, it's honest post time.
I have talked a little in the past about struggles I've had with restriction and over exercising. What I haven't been so honest about is how these issues still very much affect my body and especially my mind today.
I legitimately spent all afternoon eating. Because I was hungry. STARVING. I even stopped to get a big ice cream while out on a walk with PerMa. The amount I ate was new but the hunger was not. I am always always always hungry. Not every few hours like most runners, every few minutes, nothing satisfies me for longer than 30 minutes.
This is because I am currently not at a very healthy weight. I am also mostly muscle mass which stems from days of severely restricting while doing the same workouts (intense weight training) that I talk about on the blog. This means that my metabolism is crazy fast and when my body actually gets enough fuel to send hunger signals they don't stop because it is fighting to get to a healthy weight.
I am registered for the Chicago Marathon. I am registered for a half marathon in May. I have to fuel better much better than I have in the past and even better than I have been showing you on the blog. Today I didn't photograph my food because it's been an emotional day and it was completely ridiculous and random. However there will be more snacks/bigger portions from now on.
I have been having a good amount of junk food (mostly ice cream and candy) this week. I have decided that for now I am alright with this. It is not my ideal way by any means of reaching a healthy weight or fueling myself. This is where the mental aspect comes in. I am on vacation and I only have one more day so I have decided that for now to just let it go. Sunday when I am back at school and go grocery shopping I will start a new normal.
Part of the reason I have been allowing myself junk food this week is because I do not let myself have it enough normally. I deny my cravings like crazy. Most of the time cereal can satisfy a sweet tooth but sometimes you just need real cookies! (or I do at least). I am not saying I will start having candy bars every day by any means but more dark chocolate, coconut ice cream and hopefully some homemade desserts should make more appearances!
This blog will still be a good guide for healthy vegetarian eating. It will also be more realistic about how athletes need to fuel.
I am very happy with the conclusions I have been reaching. I feel like I am making big steps in recovery.
Please share any thoughts or stories that you have! I could also use a laugh... jokes?